Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
