I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
