i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
