Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
