I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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