You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
