You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
