We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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