worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
