he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
