words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
