How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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