i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
