Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
