There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
