If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
