next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
