i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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