You just made me feel so damn special
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
