I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I have feelings that need drinking.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
