All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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