i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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