Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
