I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
