Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
