Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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