Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
