At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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