My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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