All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
