eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
