i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
