Nicole vs. Life
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
