just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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