you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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