Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
