Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
