I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
