After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
