Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
