my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Randomize
