p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
