We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
