1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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