Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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