so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
