then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
