The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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