she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
okay pat passed out under dana's car
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My vagina just recognized that song.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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