i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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