did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
