not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
